Hardest Mother’s Day Yet

I guess it’s an obligatory thing to have an infertile Mother’s Day post, with a Debbie Downer attitude. I don’t care, but this year has been by far the most difficult one for me yet. This is my second Mother’s Day since we began trying, and that may not seem like a whole lot. Last year though, I was filled with slight discouragement (no ovulation or signs of it, in fact, I was probably still in my first cycle that had started in February). But there was a tiny bit of hope, like a secret hope. Since we were trying and I was bouncing the idea around in my mind that ovulation may have happened, and I just missed it in my charting, it was like some sneaky little secret. Like I could possibly be pregnant… and celebrate Mother’s Day happily with the rest in 2013.

2013 has brought a lot of change, and this year was hard for me. My husband and I run the media/sound booth at our church. So like previous years, there were events and a lot of attention on Mother’s Day, as you would expect. I’m in charge of the video and presentations though, and had to make a slideshow. It was pictures of mothers with their babies, and then recent pictures of the same kids with their mothers. Which wasn’t that bad, I guess. But I had to run the slideshow while the kids sang cute little songs about how much they love their moms. Also, they did a quick questioning to each kid to tell what they love about their mom.

The end of the service involved only the moms standing, and the kids came back in and delivered roses to each standing woman.

Also, I had to play this video that was showing all these things moms do, to show appreciation. It estimated all these lifetime averages, like 3,000 “boo-boo’s” bandaged within a mother’s lifetime, etc. With music playing, the whole works. It took everything in me not to burst out crying. It sucks in the sense that not only is my mom too far away to spend the day with, but to want so badly a family of my own and not have that. 15 months and counting, and not one single ovulatory cycle to date. It’s hard to hold on hope when even your doctor is shocked you haven’t ovulated yet on the dosages of medicine he’s prescribed. We’re still on a break right now (from treatments, not really from trying because that would be insane. I’m not charting though, it’s stressing my mind on top of everything else that is going on). *sigh*. What an Eeyore. 

I guess to put the cherry on top of this rant/sad post, I’ll add my favorite comment. A rather rude, outspoken lady from our church (she has two sons, one is a teen and the other a few years younger than me) had to put in her two cents as I left (as she always does in any situation, ever). She brags at me about her three roses (each woman was supposed to get 1), even when knowing that I struggle with infertility. Thanks, bitch. I really don’t care if this is church we’re talking about, there is no other way to describe this woman. She does things like this, like underhanded comments meant to insult. She’s another story though, a Jezebel whose story doesn’t belong on this blog, or any.

So, yeah. Happy Mother’s Day.

 

One thought on “Hardest Mother’s Day Yet

  1. I’m sorry you’re having such a tough day. Totally understandable. You are strong for going through all that at church today and NOT bursting into tears! I hope you feel better about things tomorrow.

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