Maintaining Hope

So, I’ve updated a timeline in my “About Me” section of this blog, and if you’re looking for a quick overview that would be the place (and probably skip the next paragraph).

What have I been doing all of this time? That’s a good question. We’ve bought a house, took forever to unpack while learning to balance that with a new job (essentially the start of my career). That basically covers 2013. I know I made a few updates since then, and I can’t even remember where I left off, I just know I’ve been gone for so long. If I had one way to describe 2014, I would call it the year of blood. Because from December 2013 through about September 2014 I probably could count on two hands the amount of days that I wasn’t bleeding. I mentioned it to my old Ob/Gyn, I mentioned it to my endocrinologist. My only options from them were birth control or increasing Metformin. I opted to increase Metformin, because I have been against BCPs since I stopped them in February 2012. I’m not exactly sure if there is a connection between having PCOS and taking the pill, but I wasn’t willing to find out. I know women with PCOS are at higher risk for side effects of the pill, such as blood clots, then women without PCOS. In May 2014, I started a better job. The kind that I can see myself working for for many years. I had new insurance, and found a new Ob/Gyn. This doctor is male, but he was a recommendation and he is a very knowledgeable doctor that takes a lot of time to figure out what is going on with his patients. He personally returns phone calls when you have a question, which is great. The desk staff is absolutely horrible, which is a downfall. That may force me to go somewhere else for prenatal care (if it ever even happens? I don’t even know at this point). He performed an endometrial biopsy (that pretty much was AWFUL) and a saline ultrasound to check for uterine fibroids or polyps as the cause of the bleeding, but all tests came back normal. Which only meant what I could have already guessed — the bleeding is hormonal, and just another part of having PCOS. Reluctantly, I took birth control to stop the bleeding for a month. Since that cycle (and the shortish period after it), I haven’t had any bleeding. Which is good. But the same thing happened when I originally stopped birth control– I went 90 days without a period. What a confusing time.

So needless to say, it has been a long and exhausting year with not a lot of hope. It’s hard to try and have kids when you’re going through something like that and you know for a fact that you aren’t ovulating. I guess the best thing I can really say at this point, is I’m starting counseling on Monday, and I hope that helps. At least emotionally, because I’ve been a wreck lately. I literally think of this stuff every single day. And I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to who understand what I’ve been going through. Maybe this would be a good time to get back into blogging?

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