Well, I’ve managed to stay away from this blog for a long time somehow. I skipped all of 2016.
I’m still seeing the same counselor, I started in November 2014 and it’s crazy how much has changed. I’m still a work in progress.
Last March we started our second cycle of Gonal-f injections to try and have a baby. The first cycle was called off due to overstimulation (there were 6 mature follicles, posing the risk for 6 babies– yikes!). Our second cycle went similarly, which is common with PCOS. Six follicles that were near mature, but one was in the lead due to smaller doses over a longer period of time. On Easter, we got the call that it was either I take the trigger shot that day and try (on the agreement that we’d have to do a “selective reduction” should all 6 eggs release and fertilize) or call it quits the second month in a row. The nurse didn’t have us make a decision right that moment, but told me to call and let them know and gave instructions on triggering etc. So, we went for it. We prayed about it, that we would not have to make the difficult decision to have a reduction down the road.
I was pretty excited knowing that my body was finally doing something it had never done on its own for the first time– ovulate. 10 DPO I took a test and saw a faint line, but it was the afternoon and I figured it was just an evap line. So I bought a First Response test and tested first thing the next morning and there it was– an actual, real second line. I brought it to my husband with a shaking hand and asked if he could see a line too. It wasn’t the cutesy, creative “I’m pregnant!” announcement that I was anticipating, but it was real and shocking and scary and exciting all at the same time.
I was an anxious mess most of my pregnancy, just still in disbelief and afraid of loss. Still, aside from carpal tunnel and some third tri gestational hypertension (that lead to induction at 38 weeks), it was a pretty smooth pregnancy.
I was induced 2 days before our 4 year wedding anniversary, and delivered at 8:12pm on December 16th (less than four hours away from our anniversary!). 12 minutes of pushing and he was here! We named our son Oliver Matthew:
Adjusting to parent life has been a challenge, it’s harder than I ever could’ve imagined and it’s hard feeling overwhelmed and somewhat guilty after going through infertility to get here. I’ve been dealing with postpartum anxiety and depression, both of which I’ve dealt with most of my life (of the non-postpartum variety, of course). I started Wellbutrin but had to stop because it was making me super irritable and more anxious, so my doctor switched me to Celexa, which is supposed to be good for anxiety. I’ve been on it almost two weeks, it’s a little soon to feel the full effects but I think we’re moving in the right direction.
Well, that’s over a year in a nutshell, I’m going to have to give this blog an overhaul as the subject matter is changing! I think this would be a good outlet for parenting after IF, but also for working through my PPD. Hopefully you’ll see me around a little more often!